I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
