Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
