we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
