Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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