so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
