watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
