Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
they call him Oral-B. enough said
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
