He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
