He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
