Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
