Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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