maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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