I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
