I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
