I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
