Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
