Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
