help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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