: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
