I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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