you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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