hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
