And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
