and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
