Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
