First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
