This girl is more easily done than said...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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