I wannas sexs uuuuu
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
