The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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