Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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