Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
