Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
