i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize