Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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