Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
