I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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