Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
