do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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