Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
