I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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