I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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