Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
