Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
