i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
