you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
