i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
