There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
