im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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