Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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