Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
