If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
