Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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