so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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