Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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