Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
