I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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