Too much gin, very little bucket
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
