are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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