Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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