I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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