You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
two words...techno handjob
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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