Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
