I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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