nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
