So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
