True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
