You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
