I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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