hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
