Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
