your parents love me but you hate me
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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