I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
