I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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