I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nicole vs. Life
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
