her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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